Codependent Women in a Relationship with Sexually Addicted Men

Are you a woman who has been affected by another person’s (i.e. spouse, friend, family member, ect.) compulsive sexual behavior?  Then the new Women’s COSA (Codependent Women in a Relationship with a Sexually Addicted Men) open share is the place for you.  In this group, members will share their experiences, strength, and hope with each other in a supportive, confidential environment. Please click here for a full Thursday Night Schedule.

COSA Open Share

Thursday Evenings
7:30 pm
Room 117, Critterland

The Problem

Many of us blame ourselves for the addict’s behavior. We tell ourselves, “If only I were more attractive, thinner, taller, shorter, etc. – if only I were more sexual.” We give in to others’ behaviors, only to loose ourselves in the process. Sometimes, we have even participated in their sexual fantasies, or joined in by buying pornography or renting videos, leaving us feeling used and abused. Some of us ignored or did not recognize the signs that the addict was living a secret life.

Many of us blame the addict and their behavior for every problem in our relationship. We believe that if they would only change then everything would be fine. In essence, codependents are addicted to their spouse’s, friends, or family member’s behaviors. They either give in to the addict, try to control them , or make them stop.

We have sometimes pretended to family, friends, and co-workers that everything is “wonderful.” We have been unforgiving and sometimes punishing toward the addict.

Look at the following questions. Do any apply to you?

Have you ever engaged in sexual activities with your partner that feel disturbing or shaming?

Is there someone in your life who is currently having or has had an affair?

Are you having or have you had an affair in retaliation for your partner’s actions?

Do you neglect your needs, or those of family and friends, to comply with your partner’s sexual desires?

Do you have someone in your life who is watching adult sex videos, reading adult magazines, or involved in online pornography?

Have you ever involved yourself in pornography in order to feel accepted by someone in your life?

Do you “play detective” (look through belongings, check whereabouts, etc.) to find clues of a partner, relative, or friend’s sexual acting out?

Do you feel degraded, ugly, or inadequate due to someone’s involvement in pornography, affairs, or other sex related acts?

The Solution
Benefits of a COSA Group:

Hear the struggles of other Codependents.

Learn healthy, Christian values for family roles and rules.

Gain information about healthy sexuality and relationships.

Break through denial and other unhealthy family patterns.

Encouragement from the group to find peace, strength and grace through a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

Build healthy relationship by find love and acceptance in a “Safe” place to share.

Realize that we can not control the addict or their behavior.

Understand that our problems are emotional and spiritual.

Face our denial and accept the truth about our lives, and our past issues.

Realize that blaming ourselves, trying to control the addict, and/or ignoring their behavior, refusing to set and uphold our own personal boundaries, are all signs of co-addiction.

Accept responsibility for our own actions and make Jesus the Lord of our lives.

Become dedicated to learning about sexually addiction and co-addiction and becoming partners with our spouse, friend, or co-worker in recovery.

Realize we are not responsible for their addiction or recovery. It is not our job to “cure” them.

Find healthy ways to release our fears and anger and refuse to use anger inappropriately towards the addict.

Have a safe place to share fears, hurt, or anger and also to rejoice in our victories.

Face our own defects and work through these feelings.

Take the focus off of the addict and focus on God and our own thoughts and feelings.